WEAPONIZED TRADITION

 In a healthy marriage, it is natural to feel protective of a spouse. However, once a couple separates or divorces, that right to involvement ends. Unless specifically asked, an ex-spouse has no legal or moral right to interfere in the other person's private life.

Many individuals face environments where an ex-spouse continues to monitor, harass, or exhibit jealousy—even a decade after the split. This is not love; it is psychological harassment. The toxicity is most evident in two contradictory behaviors:

• The Demand for Control: Monitoring dating life and social circles to ensure the ex-spouse remains isolated.

• The Refusal of Responsibility: Using the divorce as an excuse to withhold financial support, while acting as if they still have authority over the other person's life.

A "poisoned tactic" often used involves the abuser claiming that the victim’s success is "unearned" or only exists because of his past support. They may even blame their own lack of success on the family, claiming they "sacrificed" their potential for a spouse they now harass. This is a strategic attempt to devalue the victim’s independence and keep them feeling "indebted" to the abuser.

In many cases, the harassment is not limited to the ex-spouse; it extends to the families of both parties. Traditional beliefs are often used to justify the systemic oppression of women after a relationship ends:

• The Double Standard: Families may support a man’s right to move on immediately while demanding a woman remain single and "monitored" for the rest of her life.

• The "White Dress to White Coffin" Mentality: Cultural tropes like "you enter in a wedding dress and leave in a coffin" are used to psychologically imprison women in abusive or dead marriages.

• Institutionalized Isolation: Historically, practices such as isolating widows or divorced women in specific locations (seen in parts of India and elsewhere) served to erase a woman’s identity once she was no longer "attached" to a man.

Shockingly, these "traditional" forms of abuse—where a woman's movements, surroundings, and relationships are policed by her community—persist today in advanced countries like Canada and the United States.

Regardless of cultural background or traditional beliefs, the law of the land must prevail. Law enforcement and the judicial system must:

1. Recognize "Cultural" Abuse as Harassment: Tradition is never a legal excuse for stalking, monitoring, or psychological warfare.

2. Enforce Strict Boundaries: Treat persistent family or ex-spouse interference as a violation of civil rights and personal safety.

3. Uphold Financial Obligations: Ensure that support is treated as a legal duty, not a bargaining chip for control.

To demand that a woman stay "alone and single" as a matter of "honor" or "tradition" is a form of gender-based violence. It is an attempt to bury a woman’s future to satisfy an abuser's ego. Breaking free from this requires not just legal strength, but a rejection of the toxic idea that a woman’s value is tied to her marital status.