LOVE CAN’T BE GUARDED

 I understand you, married women and men. Believe me, I was there.

You are trying to hold on to your spouse and keep him or her for yourself. It is normal; it is love. But listen to me as a romance writer who has researched extensively about marriage, divorce, and cheating: holding on to a person who doesn't care about your feelings, and blaming another single man or woman for talking or calling them, is not how you protect your relationship.

You are simply trying to limit your spouse's social and business life, thinking that if you prevent them from talking, doing business, or seeing certain people, your marriage is safe. The answer is no. If a husband or wife truly loves their spouse, they can work, socialize, and interact with both men and women while still caring deeply about their partner's feelings. They will love them unconditionally, regardless of how many other people around are prettier, more educated, or healthier.

If you notice your spouse ignoring your feelings and you try to blame someone else for their actions, you are just making excuses for them. Sooner or later, those excuses run out, and you will realize a part of you has been gone for a long time—all to protect something that did not belong to you in the first place.

I have noticed many couples fighting with outside men or women over simple small talk or business interactions. Some even go further, spreading rumors about single, divorced, or married people who work or talk with their spouse, all in a desperate attempt to save their relationship. You are only trying to hide what is wrong in your own marriage by blaming others and labeling them as bad, flirtatious, or disruptive.

In the end, your relationship will either survive for the rest of your life without true love and care—covered up only by attacking others—or it will suddenly end out of the blue, leaving you surprised. Real love cares about the lover; it does not ignore or hurt them.