THE DEATH OF RECONCILIATION

It is a powerful political metaphor ,"There was a group of people who find a politician and lift him high upon their shoulders. With loud voices and no logic, they swear a solemn oath: "If this man is not elected, we shall all die by noon today!" They don’t know his policies or his heart; they only know the fervor of the moment. But as the sun climbs and it becomes clear he will not win, their "loyalty" turns to venom. The very hands that held him high now reach up to pull him down. The same voices that swore to die for him now shout that he is the one who must die". Because they have no real knowledge—only a shallow, shifting passion—they change their minds as easily as the wind moves.

This same dangerous ignorance plays out in the separation or divorce. Individuals who were never part of the marriage suddenly act as judge, jury, and law-maker. Without knowing the truth of what happened behind closed doors, they blindly take the one spouse`s side. They fill the air with gossip, bad-mouthing  fueling a fire they didn't start.

Then, the "London time" shifts. When they realize the wife or husband were at fault, or the story wasn't what they imagined or assumed , they don't apologize. Instead, they turn their gossip on the other side. They jump from one side of the boat to the other, uncaring of who they sink in the process.

In this "gang show," everyone loses:

• The unsupported side is hurt by the verbal abuse, the false judgments, and the unfair control of the crowd.

• The supported side is ruined by those who pretend to be her "supporters" but are actually blocking any path to reconciliation.

A marriage is a delicate thing. Even when it is broken, there might remain a tiny potential for a return, or at least a peaceful path where a partner in fault is considered with grace. But the intervention of these outsiders kills that potential. They rush into a situation that has nothing to do with them, intervening so loudly and so blindly that they turn a private struggle into a public hell.

By the time these "judges" are done, they haven't saved anyone—they have only ensured that the relationship can never, ever come back.