WHY A WOMAN MUST BE DESPERATE TO BE A MOTHER OR WIFE

For too long, society has operated under a distorted definition of what it means to be a parent in the later stages of life. While we claim to value parents, a toxic cultural script has emerged: one that suggests a mother or father must be desperate to be worthy of their title.

​Let us be clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with a mother needing her children. There is dignity and love in the bond where a parent relies on their children for day-to-day living, or where a child steps in during times of sickness and frailty. That vulnerability is a natural part of the human experience.

​However, being a mother is not limited to that definition. A woman does not lose her status as a mother simply because she is independent, and self-sufficient.

​In many circles across North America today, an independent mother—especially a businesswoman —is often met with a strange form of loyalty testing. If she isn't in a hospital bed or demanding her children’s constant intervention, society starts to cast stones.

​Accusations often arise that she isn't a real mother because she doesn't need her kids. There is sabotage in labeling her autonomy as coldness or suggesting she is crossing the line by maintaining her own life. Some go as far as to isolate her, attempting to shame her into a state of helplessness just so she fits the traditional image of an elderly parent.

​It is 2026. We should be celebrating the fact that many parents are entering their later years with the tools to remain active in business and society. Yet, the public imagination still prioritizes the image of the suffering parent.

​Why must we wait for pain to show value? When did being a mother turn into a requirement to be demanding, sick, or desperate? I have personally observed that this demand for desperation usually extends beyond motherhood; it bleeds into the role of a wife. There is an unspoken rule that to be considered a good wife, you must be seen relying entirely on your husband. If you are a woman who stands on her own feet, you are often viewed with suspicion or judged for not performing the good wife .

​We need a public education shift that honors the full spectrum of aging. We must honor the vulnerable by supporting those who rely on their families for daily survival, but we must also respect the independent by celebrating the mother and wife who runs a business, travels, and manages her own affairs.

​A Call for Change

​Isn’t it time we stop observing parents only through the lens of their needs and start seeing them for their contributions? Whether a mother is lying in a hospital bed or sitting in a boardroom, her value remains the same. Her motherhood is not a status that is activated only when she becomes a burden; it is a lifelong identity that should be honored in both her strength and her struggle.

​The Bottom Line: We must stop equating motherhood and womanhood with misery. True respect means supporting a person’s right to be cared for when they are weak, but also their right to be powerful and independent when they are able.