BEFORE AND AFTER GAME

 Life is often punctuated by profound incidents—car accidents, natural disasters like earthquakes or volcanoes, the death of a loved one, or the pain of divorce—that fundamentally alter our existence. These events are shaped by a complex interplay of our environment, the judgment of others, and our brain's primal psychological drive to survive.

While society and support organizations typically aim to help survivors cope, there is a darker, more destructive response that occasionally emerges: the "Before and After" game.

In many cases, instead of offering empathy, people create a judgmental environment by constantly comparing the victim’s current state to who they were before the incident. This behavior is deeply damaging because:

 * Erasure of Identity: By insisting the "before" life no longer belongs to the victim, observers isolate the survivor from their own history.

 * Victim Blaming: Judgmental people often begin to question why the disaster happened to that specific person, eventually suggesting there was something "wrong" with the victim to have "attracted" such misfortune.

 * Impossible Expectations: There is often a cruel expectation for the victim to "get back to who they were," ignoring the reality that deep trauma fundamentally changes a person’s chemistry and outlook.

The Consequences of Social Pressure

When a survivor is denied moral and emotional support and is instead met with constant scrutiny, the results can be catastrophic:

 * Mental Health Collapse: The pressure can lead to extreme isolation or, in tragic cases, thoughts of self-harm.

 * A Breakdown in Justice: If the legal or social justice systems join in this "comparison game" rather than addressing the harm, the victim may lose faith in society and feel forced to take matters into their own hands.

 * The Birth of Resentment: By trying to force a victim back into their past self through isolation and shame, the "players" of this game don’t realize they are actually fostering a permanent sense of hatred and a desire for revenge.

The journey of a survivor is already paved with unpredictability and pain. To add the weight of social judgment—blaming someone for an illness, a natural disaster, or a loss they could not control—is a form of secondary abuse. True support requires acknowledging that a person cannot simply "return" to the past; they must be allowed to heal into their new reality without being haunted by the ghost of who they used to be.

To wrap up, we must confront a harsh reality: the secondary victimization that occurs after a tragedy is often as damaging as the initial act.

​Whether it stems from judgmental commentary by strangers who never knew the victim, the systemic ignorance of a rigid justice system, or the manipulative "games" played by friends and family—the impact is the same. Comparing traumas or shifting blame onto the person who suffered is not just a social failing; it is a form of psychological abuse.

​It is time for our legal frameworks to stop being passive observers or unwitting participants in this cycle. The law should serve as a shield against this "after-game," criminalizing the harassment and character assassination that so often follows a victim. Instead of joining the fray, the system must evolve to dismantle this unpleasant process, ensuring that the pursuit of justice does not become a second site of trauma.